The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya
by shanejayell
Summary: There are more players in the game than Kyon is aware of... Part One: Taniguchi and Kunikida are just Those Two Guys... right?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from Haruhi Suzumiya, I'm just borrowing them for awhile. I also do not own the other series in this crossover. This is in NO WAY canon, though Haruhi certainly likes to give significant roles to apparently throw away characters.

The Third Side to Haruhi Suzumiya

"Hey, Kyon!" Taniguchi called as the brown haired young man caught up with him, slapping him manfully on the back, "what wierdness have you and Suzumiya's band of crazies gotten into now?"

Kyon sighed as he said, "Just the usual."

Taniguchi smiled, "Do tell?"

The day passed like many others, with Haruhi Suzumiya pouring inhuman amounts of energy into her interests and Kyon and the others running to keep up. On the sidelines Taniguchi and the others watched, often with bemused interest and a smudge of pity for the SOS Brigade.

"You ready to go?" Kunikida asked, the smaller, light brown haired boy asked as he approached his desk.

"Yeah, it's time I guess," Taniguchi agreed as the two boys left the classroom, walking out of campus and stopping at a power substation. They touched the metal surface and a door appeared, the two stepping inside.

Lockers lined the walls as the two boys changed clothes, sliding on the strange garments with the ease of long practice. They walked along a well lit hallway, two boys dressed in simple black business suits. Both whipped out matching pairs of black sunglasses and put them on.

"You ready?" Agent T asked as they reached the inner door.

"Always," Agent K-1 answered.

End

Notes: Yes, I made Taniguchi and Kunikida Men In Black. I read several mini-fics for Haruhi today and I just COULDN'T resist. ^__^ No idea if I'll continue this.


	2. Chapter 2

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Two

Tsuruya smiled as she left school, her long, waist length green hair shimmering in the sunlight. She went about a block or so when the limo came around the corner, slowing to a stop as the grey haired driver got out and bowed respectfully. "My lady," he said politely.

"Thank you," Tsuruya said as she got in, hiding a smile as several students from their school gaped at her in surprise.

The driver closed the door and went back to the driver's side, getting in and starting up the engine. "The master has a assignment for you," he said as they drove off, "would that be inconvenient?"

Tsuruya sat straighter, her usual grin becoming a more casual smile. "What's the situation?" she asked crisply, without her usual lisp.

"A rival Agency wishes to capture Suzumiya's friend Kyon for unknown purposes," the driver noted calmly, "we have people in the field preventing that."

"Get me to one of our safe houses," Tsuruya ordered, "I'll do what I can."

"Understood, madam," the driver nodded.

Within a few minutes they arrived at the safe house, Tsuruya getting out as the driver sped off. Appearing like a normal house in a quiet neighbourhood the home was in fact a base for their people, with suplies, weapons and other gear. She unlocked the door and slipped her shoes off, hurrying down the hall to a bedroom. There she stripped quickly, exchanging school uniform for street clothes. Dressed in blouse and skirt she tied back her long green hair in a pony tail, then took out a canister from the closer and sprayed it on her hair, changing the colour to a glossy black. Sufficiently disguised Tsuruya headed out the back, where a scooter waited to take her to her destination.

Shadowing Kyon was pitifully easy, the boy had no situational awareness at all. Tsuruya hung back and followed covertly, seeming just a casual girl out for a evening walk. As she followed Kyon she swept the crowd with her eyes, looking for people she recognized from briefings and intelligence summaries from their allies.

Walking along she studied Kyon a moment, wondering what someone like Haruhi saw in him. Or her friend Mikuru, for that matter. He seemed like a average cute boy, though there was a sense of steadyness about him. He seemed a reliable guy, someone who would do what needed to be done even if he didn't like it very much.

'There!' Tsuruya thought as she recognized the older man, the same one who had been following Kyon nearly as long as she had. Cautiously she made her way towards him, trying to make it look like she was simply moving with the crowd.

The man was in his early thirties, and seemed somewhat athletic. He wore a overcoat along with slacks and a button up shirt, and was frowning slightly. Much like Kyon he didn't seem to have a very good sense of his surroundings, letting the disguised Tsuruya get right up behind him.

"Hello Mr. Okabe," Tsuruya murmured to Kyon's homeroom teacher, covertly pressing a palm knife to his side, "I think we need to talk."

"What are you...?" Okabe looked startled.

"Ah, ah," Tsuruya pressed the point of the knife a bit harder to his skin, "quiet, now. Let's go talk, shall we?"

The nearby alley was thankfully deserted as Okabe glared down at the young woman. "Is this some kind of robbery?" he demanded flatly.

"Tell me why you were following Kyon?" Tsuruya asked flatly, staring into his eyes.

It was looking into Okabe's eyes that saved Tsuruya, seeing them tighten just slightly as he swiftly drew a science fiction looking like gun from his coat. Without even thinking about it Tsuruya leaped just as he fired, blasting a hole in the pavement.

'Oh hell,' Tsuruya cursed as she threw the blade while in mid-air, hoping to distract him a bit. She bounced off the wall as he fired again somewhat more wildly, then she tackled him to the ground.

Okabe yelled as he toppled backward, then tried to bring the gun around again. "The heretic must die!" Okabe proclaimed as they struggled with the gun.

Tsuruya didn't know what he was talking about, and frankly didn't care as she fought to keep the bigger man's gun arm pinned. Desperately she bit him on the arm, making him howl in pain as his fingers spasmed and released the gun.

'Yuck!' Tsuruya spat even as she knocked the gun away. Okabe swung at her but she leaned back enough to dodge, then pulled a injector from her costume. Swiftly she stabbed the prongs into his neck and pressed the switch, flooding his system with the knock-out drug.

"No!" Okabe whimpered as the drug took hold, slumping to the ground out cold.

Tsuruya picked herself up, noting she had sore knees, a scrape on one arm and no idea what the heck was going on. Pulling out her cellphone she gave her location and said, Need a pickup here, as well as standard interrogation. And updates on target?"

"Kyon's sister reports he's home safe," the voice replied, "we have agents placed around the home, just in case."

Tsuruya was always happy when she heard from Kyon's sister. Whoever had the idea to recruit her was a genius! Plus, she was adorable! "Okay, I'll patrol the area then return to base," she said, then put the phone away and headed out.

Okabe returned to teaching class the next morning, apparently none the worse for wear. Nor did he ever bring up the 'heretic' comment or try to kill Kyon again. Tsuruya just chalked it up to another mystery of North High, one of many she had collected.

To be continued...?

Notes: No idea what people Tsuruya works for, tho they're likely connected to Koizumi's people. I just like the idea of her running off and having adventures without any of the main Haruhi cast knowing.

What's Okabe's deal? Considering how many people thing Haruhi iid 'God' (For varying values of the word God} I thought it might be interesting if someone thought kyon was the opposite.

Yes, Okabe was controlled by people thinking Kyon is the Anti-Christ.


	3. Chapter 3

Echoes of Music

Itsuki Koizumi and Kyon were waiting in the club room, while Yuki Nagato calmly read yet another phone book sized novel. Haruhi and Mikuru were both occupied with something, though Kyon honestly dreaded what that might be.

"Koizumi, I was wondering something," Kyon looked up from the chess game they were playing.

"Yes?" Koizumi looked up with his usual warm smile.

"When Haruhi was singing with ENOZ," Kyon referred to when Haruhi filled in with the Rock Club's band, "the songs seemed... very familiar to me. Especially God Knows."

"How so?" Koizumi asked.

Kyon made a face, "It reminded me a lot of how it was when Haruhi and I were in closed space. But how could they know about that?"

Koizumi looked thoughtful, "Have you heard of the Collective Unconscious?" Simplifying things he continued, "It's possible people around the world were aware of what happened, if only on a subliminal level."

"Huh," Kyon sat back with a frown.

"The world knew we lost our god," Koizumi smiled faintly, "and that you returned her."

"Don't start that again," Kyon grimaced.

Meanwhile, in another part of the campus Mai, the bassist of ENOZ, smiled slightly as she wrote a new song. Unlike what Kyon thought the Organization had Esper boys and girls, and she had been one of the ones powering Koizumi up enough to break into closed space that time.

'Though I never expected Haruhi to end up singing the song I wrote about her and Kyon,' the esper mused with a smile.

To be continued...


	4. The Return of Ryouko: One

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Return of Ryouko Asakura: One

It happened in a neglected part of the old building in North High. Energy like sparkles came together, shimmering in the twilight, then resolved into the form of a young woman with dark blue hair.

"Even Nagato didn't know I had created back ups," Ryouko Asakura purred as she got up from where she was crouching, "now, I will find Kyon and complete my mission!"

Realizing the whole building was dark she sighed, knowing Kyon would not be on the school grounds. With a sigh she went down to the show lockers, noting with some annoyance that her outside shoes had been removed in the months she had been gone.

'I should probably find a place to stay for the night,' Ryouko thought, 'then I can ambush Kyon in the morning...'

Ryouko walked away from the school, thinking of her plans before being blinded by a burst of white light. "Ack!" she yelped, even as she made her eyes adapt.

"Ryouko Asakura?" the smaller boy asked, standing beside the car that had suddenly turned on it's headlights.

"It's her," the taller man noted, "I pride myself on identifying all the triple A plus girls."

Ryouko blinked as she recognized them, "Kunikida, Taniguchi? Is that you?" Both young men were dressed in inky black suits and wearing sunglasses, but she could still easily identify them.

"Been awhile, class rep," Taniguchi nodded pleasantly.

"I hate to be pushy," the smaller Kunikida smiled as he asked, "but do you still intend to kill our classmate Kyon?"

Ryouko almost let her surprised reaction show, wondering how they knew. 'Are they with the esper or time travel factions?' she wondered, but aloud said, "I don't think that's any of your business."

Taniguchi was walked up to her as he put a hand in his pocket, "Really, it's important that we find out the truth."

Ryouko gave both of them annoyed looks, "I will full fill the orders from my faction."

"I'd say that's a yes," Kunikida sighed.

"Yup," Taniguchi said, producing a humorously small pistol and pointing it at Ryouko, "meet the noisy cricket."

Ryouko was about to scoff when as powerful energy blast hit her and sent her flying backward, hitting a brick wall with enough force to crack bricks or her spine. "Oww," Ryouko winced as she tried to shake off the momentary disorientation.

Sadly, Kunikida had no intention of giving her that time, the boy trotting over from the car hefting a big gun. IT fired off a continuous beam that actually disrupted quantinum connections, which even a data entity needed to survive.

"Sorry, Miss Asakura," Kunikida said regretfully as he swept the gun across her de-resolving body, "I really don't want to do this."

"Yeah, we both voted for you," Taniguchi added, retrieving a similar gun from the car. "Come on, just give up the whole killing Kyon thing," he encouraged him.

"Never," Ryouko growled, morphing her arms into blades and preparing to attack.

Taniguchi turned his gun up high as he sighed, "Sorry."

IN moments there was nothing left of Asakura but a odd, fine sand. Both boys slung the guns up against their shoulders, sighing in relief. "Think that's all of her?" Kunikida wondered, sighing.

"Yeah, unless she hid more backups somewhere," Taniguchi said as he took a specimine bag and collected the dust. Seeing their confrontation had drew a crowd he frowned, "Who's turn is it?"

"Mine," Kunikida said as he took a small, penlike device out of his pocket. The red light of the neuralizer flashed, hitting the crowd as he ordered them, "You just saw the filming of a popular science fiction show."

The crowd dispersed, murmuring softly as Taniguchi tossed the specimen bag in the back seat, then both men climbed in and drove off. "Too bad we had to kill her," Taniguchi sighed, "she was hot."

"Taniguchi," Kunikida sighed, shaking his head.

To be continued...


	5. The Return of Ryouko: Two

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Return of Ryouko Asakura: Two

It happened in a neglected part of the old building in North High. Strange, energy like sparkles came together, shimmering in the morning sunlight, then resolved into the form of a young woman with dark blue hair.

"Even Nagato didn't know I had created back ups," Ryouko Asakura purred as she got up from where she was crouching, raising her fist to the sky and declaring "now, I will find Kyon and complete my mission!"

Realizing she was possibly over emoting Ryouko shook her head, stalking out of her place of concealment. It was early morning at North High, the first few students trickling in to school while grumbling to themselves unhappily.

'I just have to keep an eye out for Kyon,' Ryouko decided as she hid in the shadows, 'as soon as he arrives I'll jump him!'

"Hey, what are yous doing here?" the cheerful voice demanded, slapping her on the back.

Surprised anyone could sneak up on her Ryouko whirled around, frowning as she recognized the green haired young woman. Tsuruya, a friend of Mikuru Asahina and a associate of the SOS Brigade. "Ah, hello," Ryouko said calmly, "it's nice to see you."

"Hiyas!" Tsuruya beamed back. She leaned forward as she said quietly, "Didn't you move to Canada, or somethings?"

Ryouko quietly cursed, knowing that the cover story planted by Yuki was tripping her up. 'I'll just have to temporarily remove her,' she decided, 'then I can concentrate on Kyon.' Aloud she said with a smile, "It's a bit of a long story. Can I talk to you in private?"

"Okay," Tsuruya shrugged cheerfully, the two walking into a classroom.

Ryouko considered sealing the room, but decided such a high level data manipulation was unneeded. All she had to do was knock out this silly fool, then...

In a much more serious voice Tsuruya asked, "What are you doing back here, Ryouko Asakura? Are you on a mission from the Data Entity?"

Ryouko turned to look at her, faintly surprised. "How did you know...?" she asked.

"Answer me," Tsuruya said flatly.

Ryouko mentally elevated how much of a threat Tsuruya might be, but not by much. "I am still on my mission for the Data Entity," she said as she manifested a knife, "now I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disable you for awhile."

She didn't even see her move, Tsuruya was that quick in relation to the limited perceptions of Ryouko's human body. A human-like body designed with greater sensitivity and slightly dulled reactions, intended to ease interaction with humans. Now those same modifications were a curse, the green haired girl crossed the room in a shot, her leg sweeping up and kicking Ryouko in the head with stunning force.

"Ack!" Ryouko could barely gasp as she hit the wall with a crash, her senses overwhelmed with confusing data. She had a processing speed a hundred times faster than any human, but the body she wore limited and confused her artificial consciousness.

Closing the distance with the speed and agility of a martial artist, Tsuruya smiuled apologetically. "Sorry," she said as she hammered a elbow into the face, sending Ryouko reeling backward.

Ryouko choked on blood running down her throat from her now broken nose, pain and anger clouding her thoughts even mose. She summoned a dozen knives in midair and threw them as Tsuruya , snarling, "You will DIE."

Tsuruya leaped up and over, her skirt swirling with a eerie beauty even as she crouched, snapping off a kick that broke something in Ryouko's stomach. The woman was thrown backward, slamming into a desk and feeling something else give way in her back.

Ryouko crashed to the floor, moaning in pain as the stunned data entity tried to get her thoughts in order. She should be filleting this human, but it was so hard to focus through the stunning attacks. She forced herself up, then yelped as Tsuruya landed on her back, grabbing her head.

"I know about your attempt on Kyon's life," Tsuruya hissed dangerously in her ear.

Ryouko hissed in pain, Tsuruya knee driving into her back as she growled, "Let me go, you..."

"I want you out of this school," Tsuruya ordered flatly, "if you stay, you will regret it."

"Kyon is still my primary objective," Ryouko told her defiantly even as she tried to summon more knives, "I will not rest until..."

"Sorry to hear that," Tsuruya answered, a bit of regret in her voice.

Ryouko felt her head twist in a way it wasn't meant to, and began to kick and struggle as she realized what Tsuruya was doing. But the woman was far stronger than she seemed, her grip un-escapable. She felt more than heard the wet snap of her neck breaking, and as the darkness swept over her Ryouko knew she had once again failed.

Tsuruya got up with a groan, watching the body dissolve into sparkles. The booster she had used to increase her speed was wearing off, leaving her limping, sore and feeling like she went ten rounds with a heavyweight. Limping out of the classroom she sighed, 'You'd better appreciate this Kyon. Assuming I ever tell you about this, of course...'

To be continued...

Notes: Tsuruya only won because Ryouko limits her speed and reaction time to deal with humans. Also, her body normally is limited again to human response times. She can increase that, as when she fought Yuki, but if she's stunned or disoriented I don't think she could do that.


	6. The Return of Ryouko: Three

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

The Return of Ryouko Asakura: Three

Or: Ryouko Asakura QUITS.

It happened in a neglected part of the old building in North High. Strange, energy like sparkles came together, shimmering in the morning sunlight, then resolved into the form of a young woman with dark blue hair.

"Even Nagato didn't know I had created back ups," Ryouko Asakura purred as she got up from where she was crouching, raising her fist to the sky and declaring "now, I will find Kyon and complete my mission!"

Realizing she was possibly over emoting Ryouko shook her head, stalking out of her place of concealment. It was morning, and thankfully no one was around the school as she walked the halls and went outside. Sitting down on a bench the young woman cautiously reached out to the Integrated Thought Entity, discovering to her surprise a extensive file on herself. She downloaded it and froze, eyes going wide.

'I've come back fifteen times?' Ryouko thought, appalled.

Being attacked by Men in Blacks, beaten to death by Tsuruya, clubbed to death by ENOZ of all people... the images played across her memory. One of the more horrid moments had been her defeat by Kyon's little sister and Shamisen. The image of the cat's bloody paws and muzzle along with the eerily smiling girl's spork heading for her eye would be burned into her memory forever.

As she watched herself get killed in more and more embarrassing ways, something clicked inside of Ryouko Asakura. The basic futility of what she had been doing warred against her programmed drives, and finally something broke.

"Damn it, I've had enough!" she yelled to the morning sky, shaking her fist in the air, "I am done! I QUIT!"

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The young woman running the ice cream parlor watched wide eyed as the teen demolished yet another bowl of ice cream. The girl had walked in not long after they opened, dropped a wad of cash of the counter, and started sampling ice creams.

"Hmm, that's good!" Ryouko muttered as her taste buds were bombarded by another delectible treat. "What do you call this one, Miss Shannon?" she asked, reading the woman's name tag.

"Triple ripple fudge," Shannon answered, picking up the stack of small bowls the woman had already had and carrying them over to the sink.

"I don't know why I never tried this before," Ryouko noted as she licked the spoon off.

"Well, that's all our types of chocolate," Shannon noted as she washed the bowls, "did you want to try the strawberries now?"

"There's more flavors?" Ryouko's eyes widened. "I think I love you."

"Not on the first date," Shannon joked.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The machine fired the baseball with a soft 'whump' and Ryouko stepped forward. She swung with a smooth, graceful motion and the bat connected to ball, hammering it with a clang up towards the roof of the batting cage.

"Ah, that felt good," Ryouko leaned on the bat, sighing. She had wanted to try this several times, but the circumstances had never been right. She saw the machine reloading and took up her stance, grinning. It was even funner imagining Kyon's face on the balls...

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

"Damn it!" Ryouko growled as she slammed her hand on the bar, "I am not a kid! I am a alien data entity sent to observe humanity! And I want BOOZE!"

Ryouko the alien space pirate and part time bartender met her glare for glare. "Maybe so, but you look like a teenager! No booze for you!"

"Do you have to do the soup nazi accent?" her twin sister Minagi asked.

"Oh shut up," the multi-color haired Ryouko shot back.

Ryouko sighed as she glared at the booze that was so close yet so far away. "All right," she sighed, "what non-alcoholic drinks do you have?"

The other Ryouko grinned, "I thought you'd never ask."

Some time later and the counter beside Ryouko was littered with cute designed empty glasses as several customers and staff watched in awe. "You know, I'm starting to believe you really are a alien," Minagi noted.

"Gee, thanks," Ryouko noted as she tossed back a fuzzy orange colored drink. "I think I like this best, what is it?"

"An alocohol free 'fuzzy navel' pretty much," Ryouko the bartender smiled.

"This is a interesting bar," Ryouko noted as she took in the women drinking, talking and dancing together. "Why are there only women here, thought?"

"That'll take some explaining," Minagi admitted. It took some doing, as Minagi had to back up a few times to explain some basic concepts to her.

"Women who are attracted only to women," she noted thoughtfully, "and this bar serves them exclusively."

"Yup," Minagi nodded.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

The woman was not Yuki Nagato, though Ryouko would admit there was a resemblance. Rei Ayanami struck up a conversation, Ryouko discovered how pleasant it was to dance, then Rei suggested they visit the upstairs rooms. After which she had to explain what the upstairs rooms were for.

The next hour or so was... a revelation. Ryouko had thought ice cream and drinking had been good, but compared to this? It was nothing!

"Would you like to move past foreplay?" Rei asked curiously.

"There's MORE?" Ryouko's eyes went wide.

"Yes," Rei agreed, smiling.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Everyday Kyon went to school, and almost everyday something new, interesting or disturbing was sprung on him. It was getting to the point where he was worried he would develop full blown paranoia, or something.

"Hello, everyone," their teacher breezed in, the older man sighing tiredly. "We have a... I was going to say new transfer student, but she's actually a old friend of yours."

Ryouko Asakura smiled sweetly as she entered. Walking beside the teacher and bowing to the class. "Good morning," she beamed.

"Gack!" Kyon made a soft choking noise.

"This is Ryouko Asakura," the teacher introduced her needlessly, "she's returned from studying abroad in Canada. Please make her welcome."

"Hello, everyone," Ryouko bowed. She smiled at Kyon, "I jusat wanted to say that I no longer bear any animus towards you."

Everyone looked over at Kyon, who still looked faintly stunned. Haruhi Suzumiya jabbed him in the back as she hissed, "What is THAT about?"

"Also, I am now a devout lesbian, so if any women are interested, please come see me," Ryouko said, concluding, "That is all."

End

Notes: My original plan was to depict more resurrections of Ryouko with increasingly unpleasant deaths, but after some thought I decided to have some fun. I mean, after how many reboots, wouldn't anyone just say 'screw this, I quit?' So she went out and discovered the wonders of ice cream, batting cages, drinking and women. Heh!


	7. AU: Black Brigade

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Alternate Universe: Black Brigade

The young man on the deck of the boat sighed, taking a puff of his cigarette then coughing slightly. "You should really go easy on those," Okabe suggested, the big Asian man who ran the ship giving him a sympathetic look, his dark brown hair chopped short.

The younger man they had nicknamed Kyon shook his head tiredly. "How did you get this crew together?" he asked.

"I've been shipping stuff from Japan out to Asia for awhile," Okabe admitted, "and my crew just... kind of grew."

Just then the strikingly attractive Ryouko Asakura stuck her head out from the hatch. Her black hair was tied back in a pony tail, usually a turn on for Kyon. But she was also the crew member who abducted him, and so far had threatened him with both guns and knives.

"Sensei," Ryouko called, "Koizumi is nearly done in the galley. Dinner will be soon."

"Thanks," Okabe nodded.

"Oh, Mr. Kyon?" Ryouko added warmly.

"Uh, yeah?" Kyon asked nervously.

"Do not even hint at flirting with my girlfriend Yuki," Ryouko said cheerfully, "or I will have to weigh you down with bullets and toss you over the side." She ducked down below as she added, "Have a nice day."

"Ugh," Kyon slumped, letting the cigarette fall from his hand.

"Yeah, she's... quite protective of Yuki," Okabe admitted. "She and Yuki were roommates when Yuki hired me to get them both out of Japan. I don't know all the details about why they left, but I heard reports about a knife killer..."

"So why keep her around?" Kyon gulped.

"Because Yuki is a brilliant computer hacker and electronics expert," Okabe shrugged, "and she doesn't come without Ryouko." He looked out over the waters where they were anchored, "And to be honest, someone of Ryouko's talents does come in handy at times."

"I suppose so," Kyon admitted.

Another, much more attractive head came up from the hatch, the brown haired young woman smiling sheepishly. "Uhm, sir?" Mikuru Asahina called, "lunch is ready."

"We'll be right down," Okabe agreed as he crushed out his smoke.

Kyon blinked, shaking his head as the vision of beauty disappeared. "And she's...?" he asked him weakly. 

Confidently Okabe said, "Best damn forger in Asia." He quickly lied as they went below, "Not that we forge things, of course." 

"Of course," Kyon agreed wryly. "And this Koizumi I heard mentioned?"

"Ship's cook," Okabe said, "he'll probably hit on you, but just ignore it. I don't think he really means it."

Kyon blinked, "He's gay?"

"Flamingly," Okabe answered cheerfully.

They walked down the corridor in the former patrol ship (And how the hell had Okabe gotten such a large vessel? Especially ex-military? Admittedly the deck canons were gone but the armor was all there.) and out into the galley. The crew were sitting around the table, with a space open at the head for Okabe and a seat open by the apparently flaming Koizumi.

"All right everyone, this is Kyon," Okabe announced, "as you all know, we snatched him to get a data disk belonging to the Suzumiya group. Sadly, said group has put a price on his head, so I feel we're honor bound to shelter him."

"Wouldn't killing him be more efficient?" Ryouko asked curiously, "I could do it for you now if you like."

"Ryouko-chan!" Mikuru protested, "Don't joke."

Yuki looked up, her almost gray hair falling into her eyes. "It would be more efficient," she noted calmly.

"Now, now," Koizumi smiled charmingly as the brown haired boy said, "I'm sure our captain can find a way to turn this to our advantage."

'Suck up,' Kyon thought as he looked at his food dubiously, deciding not to eat until the discussion was over.

"Actually, now that I think about it having Kyon around might be useful," Okabe admitted, "I'm a bit too... notorious with some ports. We could use his negotiating talents there."

"How do you know I'm a good negotiator?" Kyon had to ask.

"You talked fast enough to make Ryouko not kill you on the spot," Okabe noted, "that's a hell of a accomplishment."

"Thank goodness," Koizumi smiled, leaning in towards Kyon, "I'd so regret losing such charming new company.

'That is a creepy smile, you are WAY too close, and get out of my face!' Kyon thought, but didn't say aloud. "Well," he bowed to the group, "I hope you'll treat me well."

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0 **

To say that Haruhi was mad was a understatement: the young president of Suzumiya group was FURIOUS. But not for the reason's one might expect. "You mean to tell me my fiance is MISSING?" she yelled angrily.

Yes, Kyon hadn't mentioned the betrothal to anyone. It wasn't that he disliked the energetic young woman, but she was very domineering. She had practically declared them engaged on their first meeting, and no matter what he did she refused to be swayed. Worse she seemed to expect him to become a vice-president, or pretty much her lap dog. So when the courier job popped up, he seized it with both hands.

"We have a rough idea where he is," Kunikida said respectfully, the shorter man rising from his place around the table, "it appears he was sighted when the Brigade Company delivered our computer disk to the Tsuruya group."

"Tsuruya?" Haruhi screeched. She slammed a fist against the table, "That explains everything! I knew that wench wanted MY Kyon!"

Taniguchi got up, the taller, darker haired man clearing his throat. "Uh, ma'am, shouldn't we be discussing the Tsuruya Group getting the disks...?" he asked.

"No, we're going to talk about more important things, like getting Kyon back!" Haruhi snapped.

Taniguchi sighed, "Yes ma'am."

To be continued...?

Notes: Just the idea for a Haruhi Suzumiya/Black Lagoon fusion. Not sure if it'll be continued, it mostly depends on if I get inspired.

Kyon equals Rock, more or less. Ryouko is Revy, Yuki is Benny and Mikuru is kinda Greenback Jane. Okabe is Dutch, as I couldn't come up with anyone else to take the role. I also put them in a bigger boat that the Lagoon, to justify upping the cast a bit.


	8. Go Go Esper Rangers!

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Go Go Esper Rangers!

On the roof of the Tsuruya family's department store, a show of live action 'Esper Rangers' was going on, to the adoring scream of fans. Yuki Nagato had expressed interest when Tsuruya brought tickets to the club, and Haruhi had dragged the rest of the club along. The girls were cheering as the Rangers fought a man in a rubber suit, while Kyon and Koizumi slipped off to do a puzzle nearby.

"So what's up with these Esper rangers?" Kyon asked as he put a piece in the puzzle.

"What makes you think my Organization is responsible?" Koizumi asked innocently.

Kyon gave him a look of scorn. "I'm not a idiot," he said dryly.

Koizumi shrugged charmingly in defeat. "In case we have to go public, my superiors feel having think having people think of us as heroes might be useful," he said.

"I suppose that makes sense, but... isn't it all a bit silly?" Kyon asked plaintively.

Koizumi chuckled. "Don't tell Mori that," he nodded towards the fighting, "that's her in the rubber suit."

"WHAT."

To be continued...?

Notes: Just a conversation I imagined in the Haruhi-chan manga and anime. Not to be taken TOO seriously, much like Haruhi-chan itself.


	9. Christmas

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Christmas

Entering Ryouko Asakura's apartment with the other members of the SOS Brigade, Yuki Nagato took in the Christmas decorations thoughtfully. There was a plastic tree decorated with lights, tinsel and ornaments, wreaths on the walls and fake 'snow' sprayed n the windows.

"Hey, nice!" Haruhi exclaimed, looking around eagerly.

The rest of the Brigade was somewhat more wary, well aware of how Ryouko had once tried to stab Kyon to death to just get a reaction out of Haruhi. Mikuru seemed to expect something bad to happen, Koizumi had a glassy sort of smile on his face, and poor Kyon looked like he was getting a root canal.

"Thank you for coming over," Ryouko noted warmly, even as Yuki noted she was being maneuvered under a sprig of a parasitic plant that fed off other trees.

"That's mistletoe!" Haruhi said excitedly.

"Yes, it is," Yuki acknowledged calmly.

"You don't know the tradition then?" Koizumi asked mildly. He then went into a long winded explanation that would have put anyone to sleep.

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" Haruhi cheered.

"But they're two girls," Mikuru said weakly.

"Gender is irrelevant when under the mistletoe!" Haruhi declared, clearly using her usual insane troll logic.

Ryouko moved closer to Yuki as she murmured, "Sorry, I was tryinhg to get Haruhi under here, to see her reaction."

"It's fine," Yuki murmured as they pressed their lips together. She felt a twinge of regret sacrificing her first kiss like this, but swiftly dismissed the emotion.

To be continued...?


	10. Computer Club

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

The secret life of a Computer Geek

They first met Yuki Nagato when the club challenged the SOS Brigade in a computer based space combat game, Day of Sagittarius It SHOULD have been a easy win, as the society had rigged the game to give them a unbeatable edge. Yet shockingly Nagato turned the tide, first by discovering and using squadron mode, then by HACKING the game in progress to undo their edge. It shouldn't have been possible, yet somehow it was.

Nobuyuki , their president, conceded the battle to the SOS Brigade, then went over to appeal to Yuki to join their club activities. That, frankly, did not sit well with the only girl in the computer society, Nabiki. She was a bit chubby and not traditionally attractive, but she was certain she could hook at least one of the computer guys. But NOT with the waifish, moe looking Yuki distracting them.

Operation 'Get Nagato Away' commenced the next day. However, Nabiki quickly found out that Yuki was a tough nut to crack. She tried putting a spider of Yuki's shoulder, but the other girl just calmly caught it, and released it.

What kind of girl DID that? You were supposed to scram and wait for the boys to rescue you. Or at least that was how all the girls in Nabiki's class acted. Hell, half the computer club guys had freaked out on seeing the spider...

Being a bit more determined than most, Nabiki went on to Stage Two of her plan: spreading ghost stories about the computer club room. She used the old story that someone had been murdered there... which Yuki calmly disproved. Worse, she seemed entirely unafraid of ghosts, UNLIKE the guys in the club.

Finally Nabiki just decided to confront Yuki directly. "I don't want you interfering in my attempts to snag a guy in the club," she told her.

Yuki just... calmly met her eyes for a moment. "Understood," she said, "I will dissuade any members who express a interest in me."

Nabiki blinked in astonishment, "That's it?"

Yuki calmly continued, "There is someone I like who is not in the Computer Club. I have no interest in interfering with your activities."

'Probably that Kyon guy, or maybe Itsuki,' Nabiki realized. She sighed in relief, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Yuki answered, going back to her programming at lightning speed.

As the days passed Nabiki realized Yuki was good as her word, rebuffing everyone's advances. Yet somehow, Nabiki felt... oddly unsatisfied. It was strange, but in trying to drive Yuki away she had realized... the other girl was kind of cool.

'Maybe there's someone better around than computer geeks,' Nabiki eventually decided, looking at Yuki admiringly. 'Who would have thought?'

To be continued...

Notes: Bit more of a divergence, since there are no girls in the Computer Club. I also named the Computer Club president after his Japanese voice actor, as he HAS no name in anime or novel canon.


	11. Men In Black

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Catching Up

Meeting with their boss at MiB was never a really enjoyable experience for Agent T and Agent K-1. Usually meeting with the boss involved something, somewhere, having gone totally wrong for their observing Haruhi Suzumiya or the chaos at North High.

"So," Agent J was reviewing their report, "Asakura is no longer a hostile?"

"Looks like it," Taniguchi agreed as the dark haired young man added, "she's gotten kinda strange though. You hit the bit about her declairing herself a lesbian?"

Agent J nodded, "I did, yes. Any idea why she's so... eccentric?"

"Kimidori says that it might have something to do with her multiple reboots," Kunikida answered, feeling just a twinge of guilt. He and Taniguchi had killed her at one point, after all. She had intended to murder their classmate Kyon, but still...

"I don't trust her, though," Taniguchi added, "you get the feeling, talking to her, that she has her own schemes and plans going."

"ANY of the Data Entities are like that." J reminded them. "Anything else we need to be aware of?" he asked.

"We;ve updated the suspected list of espers at the school," Kunikida reported, "and we had a near miss with Tsuruya's organization. Other than that, things are still pretty much as usual."

"All right, get black to classes," J ordered, "as long as North High stays a nexus for the paranormal, we need you on the job."

To be continued...


	12. Hiatus

The Other Sides of Haruhi Suzumiya

Welcome to Limbo

Haruhi looked up at the title and snorted in annoyance. "What is THAT supposed to mean?" she demanded.

Koizumi sipped some of his tea as he reported, "It appears the author is putting our series on hold, for awhile."

"He can't DO that?!" Haruhi yelped.

Kyon sighed, glad that Haruhi's powers didn't allow her to completely break the fourth wall, or the author would be changing his mind about now. "Look at it something like Golden Week," he suggested, "a vacation."

"Oh, thank goodness," Mikuru sighed. She was worried they were going to have to GO to limbo, or something.

"But.. there's so many stories he could still write about us! Like a Bubblegum Crisis fusion," Haruhi complained.

"He's already done two of those with Mai Hime and Sailor Moon," Yuki noted calmly.

Haruhi gave Yuki a look. "Or a sword and sorcery story!" she offered.

"The author did that with Digimon and Utena, too." Koizumi noted mildly.

"You're not helping Koizumi!" Haruhi complained, "I mean, at least he should do a version of Another! That's a great anime!"

Kyon gave her a scornful look, "It's a anime where everyone goes insane and kills each other."

"But it's so neat!" Haruhi answered defensively.

Before things could deteriorate farther, the clubroom door slammed open. Ryouko Asakura stomped in, glaring as she demanded, "Is it true we're going on hiatus?"

"Yes," Koizumi admitted.

"Then I can no longer put this off!" Ryouko declared striding into the room.

'Oh crap, she's gonna shiv me again,' Kyonb thought, then blinked as she walked right by.

"Eh?" Yuki actually sounded surprised as Ryouko bodily picked her up.

"Yuki Nagato is mah waifu!" Ryouko declared and rushed out of the room with Yuki in her arms. Interestingly Yuki didn't look like she minded.

"Well, THAT was random," Haruhi blinked.

"It's a Shanejayell fic, yuri is mandatory," Kyon noted wisely.

"I STILL want to do a Another homage," Haruhi pouted, crossing her arms.

Koizumi looked up, "Author-san, before we descend to a hell of madness and death, could you wrap this up?"

'Spoil sports," Haruhi grumbled.

To be continued... eventually.

Notes: Yeah, putting this on hold for now. If I get inspired, I'll post another chapter. If not, well...


End file.
